I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
