I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
