he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize