I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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