plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
