sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
