It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
