he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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