living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
