I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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