Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
