her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
