I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize