The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
