im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
