An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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