I hate all girls vehemently.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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