How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
