Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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