Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
