i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
cat food counts as protein by the way
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
