clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize