maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
