i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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