another moral hangover. fuck.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
