I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
