I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
