You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
