she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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