You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
