I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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