I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
