my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
ok first of all what the fuck
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
