So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
