There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my being single is dangerous.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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