Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
