i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
