He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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