i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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