End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
