So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
