That's intense
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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