tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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