hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
