whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
