He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
