I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
