Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
