I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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