I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
