why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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