Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
