i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
