dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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