You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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