ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
worst night to have a conscience
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
