I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
