Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
