You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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