i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
