get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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