I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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