I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
