By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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