I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
