So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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