Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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