Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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