He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
