I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
