what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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