if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
