I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize