So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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