Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
