thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
