This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
