So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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