i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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