You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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