Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
