Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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