i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
