last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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