I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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