UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
