Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
