Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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