Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
