At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
