Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I touched a dick in church today
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
