he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think my moral compass just broke
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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