Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
