I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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