I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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