i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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