I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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