Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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